So it's a bright and beautiful, crisp November morning and I decide I will go downtown holland to catch up on me for a bit! After waking up, getting Viv ready and get us breakfast, I leave. I have this sense of forgetting something as I get into my car and drive down the road. This isn't the first time doing this... Its just been a long time since I've done anything by myself, with no real agenda... Except to just be. To just be. Doesn't that just sound Devine? To be or not to be... What sort of question I ask myself is that really?
Of course I chose to be, what other other alternatives do I have? I could not be... A mother, a wife, a friend, a daughter, sister, in-law. If I'm not any of those 'titles' then what does that leave me? Oh yeah... Myself! I could chose to be me! Without me... There's none of those other titles... Really, truly.
I have these coins that have accumulated over the past 6 years of me doing something that any good and 'normal' person is supposed to be doing... But nevertheless, I collect these coins to remind me what I need to keep doing to maintain a life of some peace and serenity. I gather them for some part of me enjoys watching this meager stack grow. One day I'll remember these days that this stack had this representation based on where I am in my recovery. I hear the old times say that there comes a point where the number no longer has as much impact as it once did when starting out. I, myself am on that cusp... How long I stay there, that's another blog down the road!
I digressed from my topic of discussion. On these coins, reads 'To Thine Own Self Be True'. Ever since quitting drinking, I've always been haunted to that statement. In the very beginning, I had absolutely no clue what that meant. I didn't have a clue who I was, what I wanted to be, or even the person I needed to be.
I was told to keep coming back to the tables and they would love me until I could learn to love myself. There was always a seat 'saved' for me and they also told me I could use their higher power until I could find one for myself. Seemed a bit trivial, based on the big things that were going on in my life! I did what they told me, I keep coming back, I learned of a loving God that I could live with. I even eventually learned how to love myself. I later learned that the love I began to feel for me was the love I began to feel towards another person. I began to get it!!
Being true to myself today, means knowing when I need something that is good for me, with having the right motives. If my motives are not genuine or sincere, I need to step back, make amends and move on.
To thine own self be true, means I don't have the right to beat myself up over things. I do what I need to do to correct and right the wrong then move on! I can give myself a pat on the back, a little chuckle at myself and then let go and move on! Nobody else is going to do it for me. I am the only person that can truly give myself what I need today... With the help from my own higher power whom I've learned so much from and continues to teach me! For instance... I learned that I am worth taking 5 hours to myself for myself. I know I'll be a better person... A better me to me! If I am not giving myself what I need, I can't be all those other titles I gratefully hold!
I have amazing choices today! I chose to be and to breath in this moment in my life right now! How wonderful is THAT my friends!! Try it for yourself! It's good for the soul and for this journey called life!
God bless!!
This journey called Life
Laughing is good for the soul
