I have to share a story about my so-called adventure this evening with my 3 year old daughter, Vivian.
My husband left for church and a meeting tonight, as he does every Sunday evening.
Being that I couldn't really remember the last night Viv had a bath, I knew it was time. so, at 6:45 I said okay, it's bath time!! Viv jumped up, ran up the stairs and into the bathroom. I started the bath and she completely freaked out, began to sob, scream and stomped her little size 8 feet!
I just starred at her in shock! How can she go from happy-go-lucky one second and a completely different child the next?? I thought... is THIS what the other mom 'warned' me about? Was this another test... stepped up? How am I going to pass this one I wondered. As the water filled the tub and Viv continued to scream and turn red... I just sat down on my bathroom floor. For the first time in a very long time (since she was just a newborn) I was at a lost of what I needed to do. For a moment everything was quiet and I thought... Hmm, what would my other mom friends do at a time like this?? Here I am, a woman who at one time in her life, would go sit down in front of business 'big wigs' eye them down until they signed on the dotted line for a product I was selling... but I couldn't stop this little child of only 3 years of life experience to stop screaming! My reality was shook!
I looked up at Viv, she looked at me and began to scream louder. I watched her like the horse whisperer stares down a horse with a sense of compassion and confidence my spirit changed.
All of a sudden Viv began to calm down and I asked her to come sit down on my lap. She walked over and took a seat. I held on to her tightly and rocked. I said to her, "it must really be hard for you to be so upset like this, huh?" she responded softly, "yes". I said "I know how it feels to be so upset, I get upset too sometimes and it hurts when I cry so hard. Does it hurt you to cry like this?" she responded, "yes". I said "I don't like to see you so upset. Let's take some deep breaths and relax a minute, ready?" she said, "okay mommy". "Deep breath in... and breath out. Deep breath in... and breath out." then to my surprise... Vivian JUMPED up, and said "let's get the toys for my bath mom. Lets go!" with excitement in her voice! Who in the world, is this child that was just turning red and screaming her head off to grabbing my hand to help her into the tub??? What just happened here?? I had a total mommy confused moment!
I helped her up into the tub and she began to splash around and be her jovial self as she gleamed with joy!
Oh the life of a mommy! I wouldn't trade these moments for anything in the world. The once fulfilling moments in my working career is nothing compared to the most mind-bending moments as a stay-at-home mommy!
My life is crazy right now. I am battling the biggest fight of my life with Lyme disease and being home with a 3 year old that is testing her boundaries (as she should). I know that I am not the only one that is going through what I am going through. I have met other Lymers who are dealt the same cards as I have, and it feels good just knowing they know what it feels like.
Of course I am typing this out 2 hours after the 'episode' took place. After coming back downstairs and curling up on the couch to decompress from the day, my body feeling like a truck just hit it! I wanted to fall in a heap and cry, then God reminded me, and my heart sang a song of praise! Praise to God who has brought me to answers and the WILLINGNESS to fight and keep fighting, even through the years I had NO answers... I continued to FIGHT!
I knew if I were to give up, I would wither away and die. God blessed me with this child to care for, to wipe her tears... (even after she screams her cute little head off!) I get to comfort this child and rock her. I can empathize with her. I AM the very best mommy for this girl. How dare me if I were to give up and give in and not fight! My daughter deserves better than that! I deserve better than that! God didn't make me to just sit and be complacent about life. He made me with a determined spirit!
I can honestly say, today... that I am grateful to be a recovered alcoholic. I am not able to say with confidence that I am grateful to have Lyme Disease... not yet anyway. I know one day I will be able to say Thank you God for this disability in my life. I know there will come a day that I can say this. Just like being an alcoholic in recovery who enjoys helping others who are hurting, one day I will be able to say I enjoy helping other Lymers get through their days, just one hour at a time, just as other Lymers are beginning their journey with helping me and teaching me how to get through each day, one hour at a time!
Peace be with you!
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