Music to my... heart!

Six years ago today, I took my last drink. Yesterday I was listening to 'Fix You' by Coldplay. The song came out in 2005, the year I got sober and the words are still very haunting even after many, many times listening to it.
I wanted to share some of my thoughts. First of all, for those who don't know... I am a music gal. Ever since I was a little girl, most of my memories growing up are linking to some kind of music or songs. I easily attached emotions to music and I respond passionately to songs. (as well as the voice of Garrison Keillor/Prairie Home Companion)
You'll probably see some blogs going forward that have to do with songs and music. It's part of who I am, it's what I love!

If you take a few minutes to listen to this song and just picture someone who has just figured out that the person she thought she was is a lie and finally coming down around her. A girl who doesn't know how to live life and realizes quickly just how much she has hurt those around her, especially her husband. Comes to believe that the only way she was going to get any help and get out of the pit of hell she was stuck in was to keep looking up and asking for help, help on how to live life. How to do life without having to take that drink to numb the pain or anger or any feeling that was going on within.
Someone who had a husband and family who believed in her, who opened their arms and welcomed her back home. The invitation to work on life and to feel welcomed home... even though she didn't deserve this.
A heart that hurt because she didn't believe she was worth the love that was being shown to her... from her family, husband and the people around the tables of AA.
A determined spirit who's determination and passion for all or nothing kept her coming back... one day at a time. A girl who had to learn to listen and listen to learn. A girl who was so beaten down by the masks she was hiding behind for so long that all she could do was cry and learn how to get brutally honest with herself and with others!
Someone who learned that people were loving her until she could learn how to love herself.

The lights that guide me home today is the same light that was shinning bright 6 years ago. The light of God which shines through those around me... through my husband, my daughter, my family, my mom friends and AA family who taught me and continue to teach me that a light can shine brightly through those as long as your willing to look for it and keep the faith and hope that love never fails!
If I allow myself to be humble and vulnerable, I can also be that light for others that need a ray of hope to give them enough to keep on keeping on... To acheive sobriety and then give back what they've learned and have been given!

I am truly grateful for this day of sobriety. It's just another One day at a time in the life of this thankful traveler in God's world.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4V3Mo61fJM

Fix You

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face

And I
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you

-----------------